JJ has asked me to interview another of her girls, Sophie who is autistic, on the subject of crossdressing and autism.
Charlotte, PA to JJ
Charlotte: when did you start crossdressing?
Sophie: Long before I even dreamed that there might be a possible link between crossdressing and autism, my earliest recollection of cross-dressing was when I was around eleven years old, during the summer holidays. I remember having feelings standing there in my jeans and T-shirt that something was not quite right. Being autistic, we do have very high levels of crossdressing and autism sensitivity for things from touch to clothing. I decided to try on one of my mother’s bras and thought: ‘I wonder what it would be like to have a pair of breasts to fit into this?
So, after the bra, what happened next?
I do like dresses, that is one my main likes being Sophie. It was really cotton that I found to be quite feminine to hold and touch, closely followed by silk. When I was around 12 years old, I found my mother’s wedding dress. At the time I was alone in the house, and I knew my family wouldn’t be back for some time. So I chanced it, and tried it on. It was just one of the best moments of my life. And I think that was the moment, without guessing about crossdressing and autism, I knew that the person who one day would be called Sophie was my future. That for me crossdressing and autism came as a package deal. I didn’t really know what I was doing was crossdressing. All I knew was, it just felt right inside me.
Did you ever buy any clothes for yourself?
In the early days, no: I didn’t buy anything for myself. The reason was that I didn’t have anywhere to store it safely without it being found by the rest of my family. It was always clothes that were in my mother’s wardrobe that I used. Some of them felt a little tight, but, before I understood crossdressing and autism, it was the enjoyment of it that kept me going. I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome (a form of autism) at around the age of seven. But wasn’t told until I was autistic until my eleventh birthday. My family feared that I wouldn’t understand it if I was told at a too younger age. And they certainly did not see the link between crossdressing and autism or in my case the specific diagnosis of Asperger syndrome and crossdressing.
When did you become aware that in some cases there is a link between crossdressing and autism?
I wasn’t aware of a link between crossdressing and autism to start off with. But reading between the lines in later years, it became clear that some people with autism might be drawn towards the world of crossdressing.
And when you left school?
When I left school, I stayed at home with my family, but I started full time work from age 16, working for the Royal Air Force. Due to my crossdressing and autism, having a partner seemed really out of the question. Firstly, because we are not the greatest when it comes to social interaction. And, secondly, I was worried that if I did get into a serious relationship with someone, then Sophie’s crossdressing activities would be discovered and possibly stopped in their tracks. I wasn’t in a position to try and explain what crossdressing was, because at this point I still didn’t have a name for it. I was also worried of the impact it would have had on my family. It felt right to me; but I knew, to the rest of my family, it was unacceptable. So being open about crossdressing and autism seemed at that time a barrier to realizing my true feminine self.
When did you decide to dress more completely as a woman?
When I saw JJ for the first time in January 2015: I had chosen to go for a bridal look, as this was the first ever full dress I had even worn as a child, and I felt it was special to do that for the session with JJ. When JJ put Sophie with her crossdressing and autism in front of the mirror, fully made up as a blushing bride, I was stunned. That was the very first time I had ever allowed make-up to be applied to my face. I made it a general rule at home that I never applied any whilst at home, as I had no way of removing it should someone walk in unexpectedly. But when I looked at Sophie for the first time, in her long blonde wig and fabulous white gown; it was one of the best crossdressing and autism feelings in the world.
So how did Sophie begin to grow as a woman?
I didn’t really starting buying Sophie items for myself until about 2016. It was at this point that I had been able to confide in a work colleague about Sophie; as it transpired, she was a lesbian and was very understanding of Sophie and her crossdressing and autism. She even helped me store my clothes and things away at her house.
And how do you see your crossdressing and autism now?
From 2016 onwards, crossdressing and autism has dominated my life. I am 25 now, and Sophie has now become the main focus of my life above all else. In between that, I even wrote a book about autism. But I do feel that Sophie with her essential crossdressing and autism is my future.
Have you developed a particular style for Sophie yet?
I haven’t really had any style in mind. I just see Sophie as a lady who sees the crossdressing and autism world opening up before her eyes.
What difference has JJ made to you?
JJ certainly has helped me to see who and what Sophie is and she has helped me to understand the deeper connections between crossdressing and autism. She has made it clear that Sophie is not just a person, but a way of life which allows the feminine within me to develop. If you were born a man, then where does it say that you can’t feel or dress like a woman? I think in the overall picture, things have come together little by little. It’s all been trial and error, and I don’t believe that Sophie and her crossdressing and autism is complete yet. She can still be improved one way or another. If there is one thing JJ has taught me, there is no such thing as perfection in my crossdressing and autism world.
Are you confident about going into the wider public world with your crossdressing and autism?
I stepped out for the first time with JJ as Sophie in 2016, and have never looked back. I knew I had gone beyond just putting on a dress behind closed doors. I will say, it was terrifying for the first time; but because I was in the company of others, it wasn’t as scary as it could have been. It just felt like crossdressing and autism freedom for this girl as well. JJ has almost like a way of getting inside your mind without you knowing it by just using a few simple words. That is the skill and art that JJ possesses, and it has done great things for Sophie. I’ve developed ways of being able to pass more easily as Sophie when I’m outside in public. And how to stand and talk like a real woman would.
Tell us a little more about how you see the link between crossdressing and autism?
Autism in itself is a much focused condition. Experts are at a loss to explain why people of this nature are like this. It meant I was very determined with work and succeeding. It’s made me competitive, but I am always willing to help others. In terms of crossdressing and autism this can emerge in different ways.
And what does the crossdressing and autism future hold for Sophie?
Sophie is transforming into something new. I have been doing a few things over the last couple of years to help her along such as waxing parts of my body, to give her a more feminine look. And, only as of a few days ago, I even talked through with JJ about potentially going through some stages of crossdressing and autism and transgender therapy: developing my own breasts and acquiring a more feminine shape. Thanks to my crossdressing and autism, Sophie isn’t just physical appearance. The original Sophie started life as a mental problem in my inner autistic mind net, as a way of helping and supporting me in times of trouble. It was only later on, that I realised that she was growing in crossdressing and autism power as I got older. And would one day live freely as she is.
Thank you, Sophie, for being so honest and helpful about your crossdressing and autism.