JJ has asked me to interview Carol about her experiences of the army and crossdressing. Carol has been one of JJ’s girls for a while now, but her time in the military is certainly a tale worth telling. Not least because it reveals some of the less pleasant aspects of how some people have reacted to T-girls. The army and crossdressing turned out to be a no-go area for Carol. But I started the interview by asking her to speak about her early life and the awakening of her need to cross dress.
Charlotte: Thank you so much, Carol, for agreeing to this interview about the army and crossdressing, because I know that it will revive some difficult memories for you. Perhaps you would begin by telling us about first recollections of wearing girls’ clothes.
Carol: Long before I encountered the army and crossdressing, and before I have any clear memories myself, my mother assures me that she once dressed me in a ballet dress. And cried when she took it off me. Perhaps that memory lodged deep within my subconscious mind? But I do remember as a twelve year old, when my parents were out, putting on a bra, skirt, blouse, tights and high heeled shoes: wearing those clothes the feeling was unbelievable. If my subconscious mind was already hooked, my full consciousness now put my CD needs centre stage.
Charlotte: Did you fantasise about any particular women at that time? Seeing them as role models, perhaps.
Carol: When I was 14, I wanted to be just like Samantha Fox, page three girl and pop star, and I just loved the actress Michelle Pfeiffer. And as well as my mum’s clothes, I would ‘borrow’ my sister’s make up.
Were you ever discovered dressed in these early days?
When I was 12, I recall one day when I simply did not want to take my dress off. So I stayed downstairs until my mother came home. She wasn’t pleased at all. But that did not stop me from my progress towards the army and crossdressing. I don’t think my sister ever knew, though.
When did Carol begin to emerge as a person in your life?
Only through my experiences of the army and crossdressing. My jobs in the army involved a relatively high degree of vetting and high security, I was probably naïve as to what this might involve. I had seen advertisements for a crossdressing company in England and I decided to order some items to take home when on leave from my posting in Cyprus. My order included shoes, tights, and breast forms. But the delivery did not get through to me because of my high security status. As a result I was questioned under caution by the regimental military police and afterwards sent to Germany and then on to Sarajevo and Iraq to jobs with less high security required.
These new postings were not vetted in the same way, and so I suppose the authorities felt that I would be less of a risk. I also did a tour of Saudi Arabia for 6 months and crossdressing in Saudi Arabia is strictly forbidden and many people have been tortured or died in custody. There was no way I would have cross dressed there, plus being in a tent with 12 other soldiers in that heat was impossible. The parcel was destroyed, so I didn’t get my army and crossdressing supplies!
Did this deter you from following your army and crossdressing instincts?
Not in the least. I put in a new order for my T-girl needs. And this second package safely arrived. Eager to try the items on, after a few drinks, I popped into the toilets on the base. Big mistake! My army and crossdressing secret was quickly discovered.
What happened then: another army and crossdressing interview with the military police?
This time the authorities tried a different approach to my army and crossdressing lifestyle. I was sent to see a psychiatrist in Germany. She concluded that my army and crossdressing behaviour would not change. However, when this took place some twenty years ago, the consequences for me were dramatic. The charge? A soldier who involves himself with any sexual aberration may bring the service into disrepute. The judgement? I was discharged from the military despite my loyal ten years’ service for mixing the army and crossdressing. I felt really isolated and terribly rejected after serving my country for ten years and on some of those occasions put my life on the line and this is how I was repaid by the army. I lodged an appeal but without success.
Did anyone involved in your army and crossdressing discharge show any sympathy for your predicament?
The army showed no support for me whatsoever. I think for them it was simply a matter of finding the easiest solution to their problem of a soldier wanting to wear a dress. For them the army and crossdressing simply could not mix. I really hope that twenty years on no one drawn to the army and crossdressing would suffer the same fate as me. I was gutted and felt very let down, I know that there were other crossdressers like me in the service. But I got caught and I was made an example of.
What happened after your army and crossdressing experiences?
I settled in Manchester and started to buy more clothes for myself. I once told myself that if I were to get married Carol would stop. But as so many others have discovered, what was so clear to me during my army and crossdressing life was still an essential part of me. Neither my marriage not the birth of my child held me back from being the girl I wanted to be. Before coming to Manchester I had my first makeover in London. I loved it. But there seemed always to be an undercurrent of guilt about spending money on Carol.
Does your wife know that you cross dress?
Yes, I told her very early on. She made it clear that she did not really like this army and crossdressing side of me. So Carol is in the background.
And when did you encounter JJ?
Although after my army and crossdressing experiences I did look at her website quite often, it was not until earlier this year that I went to see her. For the first time, under JJ’s wonderful guidance, I felt that the true Carol was able to emerge.
So after your army and crossdressing experience, what style suits Carol best?
I have tried lots of styles out and just love being photographed. I have been a smart secretary and even a blushing bride. I like to be as pretty as possible. My attic is full of outfits, as well as the essential lingerie. I always feel fabulous in a suspender belt, stockings and stiletto heels. And I just love boots: in fact I seem to have more than my wife. Recently I bought a breastplate which provides an instant breast shape for me. The days of army and crossdressing may be behind me, but my life as a crossdresser is very much central to my life.
Thank you so much Carol: hopefully the military has changed and is more enlightened now about the army and crossdressing. What you went through is so obviously unjust after you will willing to give your life for your country. Let’s hope that no other T-girl has to suffer in the same way. And like so many other girls who are guided by JJ, you can look forward to realising the true woman within you.
Please do leave your comments and thoughts on this subject matter it will be interesting to see what people have to say.